Real estate language – let’s cut the crap

Real estate language… from absurd to nonsensical

Real estate language must be the most absurd of all advertising prose.

No one knows how it started. But somehow, agents suddenly found themselves in the grips of all things ‘sundrenched’ and ‘light-filled’.

Of course, those are the best attributes to sell. But our overused and abused lexicon no longer has any impact in the real world. Sadly, we killed it.

On the ladder of believability, our own language sits on rung between ‘but wait there’s more’ and ‘call now for free steak knives’.

If it’s north facing, let’s just say so. Remember, that could be a feature buyers are seeking. From their end, suddenly their desires become more searchable. If it faces south, it’s probably not full of sun. Just let it go.

No buyer ever set ‘sundrenched’ as a search term. Besides, at current rates, that might explode their Internet connection.

Our need to over-describe everything has now reached tipping point. Every ‘stunning residence’ with its ‘effortless balance’ and ‘exquisite appointments’ could be toned down in 2014. Haphazard adjectives throughout every sentence could stop, for buyer sanity.

Home hunters are aware of the Art Deco period’s certain ‘timeless grace’. It’s time to let that era speak for itself.

In the kitchen, what typifies a ‘fully-equipped’ setup? An oven? Or, should buyers expect to find a dishwasher too? So then, what’s left for the ‘chef’s kitchens’? Let’s save that one for when there are real-life rubber floors and benches that can be hosed down.

Our ‘gourmet kitchens’ are perhaps the most ridiculous. Ask the buyers what they’re mocking at open inspections. They’re already wise to this.

Imagine if 2014 could be known as the year everything became less positively over-inflated – the factual vs. the flowery, the succinct vs. the long-winded.

What exactly makes a ‘superbly designed home’? Are they different to the builders striving to create something less-than-superb? What’s wrong saying a home is simply, ‘Joe Blogs built’?

In 2014, home hunters surely want to make up their own minds as to whether properties are ‘superb’ or ‘sophisticated’ or ‘fabulous’.

Those are subjective observations. So let’s leave those conclusions open for inspection.

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